Welcome back to That’s What Pea Said… If you follow me on either twitter, or instagram you’ll be aware of how much I talk about boundaries. I’ve studied boundaries within my counselling studies and I’ve set my fair share over the years. I know that many people feel uncomfortable when setting boundaries and so I’m hoping that if you’re one of those individuals, this post will give you some encouragement and help put you at ease. Boundaries are not selfish, they are necessary and an essential factor in protecting our mental health and wellbeing… You are allowed to set boundaires: a lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
✿ First and foremost, take a minute to prioritise the things which keep you healthy and happy… Once you’ve figured this out, you can start to distinguish the things which don’t fit into either category… If you’re not up to helping your mate with something, that’s okay… If you don’t want to talk about the food you dislike, that’s okay – you don’t have to reply to messages within minutes: you do you, now write your list…♡
♡ When setting boundaries it is important that you are clear about what you want and that you are able to describe the behaviour which is acceptable to you. If you cannot understand your needs, you cannot expect others to understand them. This is unfair and usually leads to further conflicts.
♡ Once you have understood your needs, it is important that you express them in direct and simple terms, leaving no room for misunderstanding or miscommunications. It is also important that you believe in boundaries and therefore do not fall into the trap of apologising for your wishes and requirements.
♡ Often the people who need boundaries to be in place are the same people who are resistant to your requirements. It is healthy to expect resistance from others and to be mindful that although you will probably receive resistance, this is okay and actually validates your boundaries. Under no circumstances should you let this resistance deter you.
♡ During your boundary setting journey, it is important to be realistic and remember that setting boundaries is actually an on-going process and is not likely to be a quick fix. On occasion, some individuals are instantly respectful of boundaries and in other cases, not so much. Regardless, it is important that you remember that this is a process and it’s okay that it takes time.
♡ When setting your boundaries, remember that you are setting them for your own wellbeing and not to have control of others, it is also important that you feel comfortable re-affirming your boundaries should you need to and to follow through with your boundaries should you find that they’ve been disrespected.
I am curious to know, do you feel comfortable setting boundaries? I’ll be writing more about boudaries, so if you have any questions please let me know in the comments! I’d also love to hear any of your boundaries success stories… Don’t be shy, lets chat in the comments below!!